Poem composed at Top City Poetry Reading, Topeka

CRAZY SPOT LITE

Chef mice in crazy
spatula Disney.

Flavered Doritos
attacking chefs of
people. Done

crazy spot lite
mean.

fake diseases

name: None

incubation period: 0 to 900 days

symptoms: headache, boredom, jumping up and down, hating your teacher

*

name: Realips

incubation period: 0 to 0 days

symptoms: to watch tv, love and hate yourself, to be two years old, to love boring and dull writing

directions misheard from anagrams from joyce:

"go north and um e south and drank e hay hog."

30 things my cat can be used as

a teddy bear, a person playing music on the computer, a person watching tv, a person watching a movie, a villain, a hero, a cuddly thing, a gentle thing, a purring thing, a scratching thing, a friend, a person who is the opposite of a maid, a meanie, a kicking bag that meows, a patting thing that purrs, a sleeper, a dancer, a music listener, a polar bear look alike from the golden compass movie, a lion, a gorgeous kitty, a pretty kitty, a model kitty, a walking kitty, a running thing, a handshaker, a vicious little hunter, a scaredy cat, a person who looks like someone in my class having their head down for recess because the teacher is so mean, something in the sun.

THE GUIDE TO ANSWERS

Things You Can Do to Waste Time

Watch a movie
Watch TV
Play with Barbie Dolls
Play with toy cars
Whine to your babysitter or parents (warning: this will only last 10–15 minutes)
Make the cat upset
Act like a weirdo
Stand on your head
Say “moo”
Try to fly
Torture yourself


Things You Can Do to Torture Yourself

Go to the five-foot mark in the pool when you don’t know how to swim
Pay $500 for a phone, then destroy it
Jump off of a building
Don’t talk for twenty-seven years
Drink shampoo


Things You Can Eat for Supper

Pizza
Pasta, bread, and salad
Tacos
Quesadillas
Enchiladas
Turkey

the girl and the boy who went in the haunted house

CHAPTER ONE: THE WALK

Once upon a time there was a girl named Sarah, and she had a little a brother named Super Sammy. One day Sarah and Super Sammy (who wasn't really super) went on their bikes around the block. Of course, Super Sammy (who isn't really super) didn't really ride his bike, because he couldn't. They walked to Mrs. George's house. Mrs George has all the treats they needed. She had a great house. They couldn't wait till Halloween. It was only a week away. She had goody bags with m&ms, cookies, caramel apples, and she was so confused with holidays she decorated with Easter stuff, and it was so funny. But now she knows not to do that, and she has so many treats.

Then they stopped by Ulysess' house. He used to be an old guy, but then he turned wild, and had a cat named Ulysess B. Waggles. But of course he used to be orangish white and now he is really white with blue eyes, and he was eating when they stopped by to see the cat.

Then they stopped over at Jim and Gary's, which wasn't really a house but a company they owned. They do flowers. I heard one of the people just quit and they almost found a job.

There is this other house that was very spooky, but they didn't stop by. It has hawks on the gate, like Halloween but spookier.

Three days later, it was almost Halloween, and they were already buying stuff to decorate. They wondered if they were going to win the Halloween costume contest. They remembered one time when Sarah got announced to win, but they had the wrong name.

One week later,

"It's so near," said Super Sammy.

"Yeah, it is so near," said Sarah. "So what are you going to be Super Sammy?" said Sarah.

"Hmmm, I'm still deciding. What about you Sarah?"

"Well I'm not sure, but I think a ballerina."

Their mom called, "Honey, time for dinner."

"Okay Mama, I'm coming. Yes, I can't wait because after this we get to carve our jackalanterns."

"Honey, your father just said that we aren't going to be able to do that stuff tonight."

"Ugh, my luck just ran out."

CHAPTER TWO: SUPPER

(to be continued)

Celebrate national squirrel day with me, the squirrel.

THE REAL TRUTH ABOUT POET'S LIES

an essay in response to S.C.

Poets are such liars. One day my mom -- she's a poet -- she lied to me six times and it was so not fun. She didn't give me anything. Poets lie because they just have to. How could they make such good stuff without lying? There is no other way to make poetry perfect. So why do poets lie you ask? Because they can't make good poetry without it, or because they are just too clumsy to make up poetry without lying. And so that's the story of why poets lie.

THE STORY OF GLOSS-SHA THE GOAT

Gloss-sha was known as a former movie star and then her days were over when the evil Rockatosh took her place. She was the greatest, and when the days passed, she stopped doing it: it just wasn't worth all the lies and fans.

Her best friends are Juliet and Myni, but her worst friend is Blossom the rabbit. Blossom may have a good name but she is naughty. Her friends call her anti-Blossom. Once when she was in college, she started an anti-Gloss-sha club.

Once Gloss-sha went to a fortune teller, and she said "I want to know my future job." The fortune teller said "Ah, wise choice," then "spirits spirits give me a future." And she saw she would be a maid. But she was just the opposite, except one day she found out that it was true, because just on one day she was a maid. One day she was anti-Romeo, but then they fell in love. She got pushed around by all the guys. Now she stands up for herself, but she still has a lot to learn.

She always loved figure skating. Once she won the first electional prize to the finals, but she didn't have enough money, so she couldn't go.

INTRODUCING THE RADIATOR CREATURES

Sarah is the white pig with a blanket on her back, and she is blind. She is very graceful. She never bumps into people, because she thinks of them like statues she can't touch or as paintings at the museum. She likes cats a lot, esp. the really graceful kit cat named Ulysses B. Waggles. She is not very much of a girly girl dancer. She has very good moves, and the girls insist for her to dance with them, and she refuses -- NO -- everytime, but not in a harsh way, just to stay true to herself.

Big Oak is a chinese dragon. He offers to do everything.

Spirit is a hippo. He doesn't really have a personality. Nobody knows where he is or where he goes. He makes models of himself, so it looks like he is there, but he is not. The only creature who knows about that he disappears is Sam (the snake).

Antiwater is a tiger. He is a very grouchy creature. He just says, "Here, I'll do it," and then usually people say like -- there's water, you can't do it, so I'll do it. He has a relationship with Big Oak.

Sam the snake is a very curious creature who is very lazy and always has to be dragged around. He is very very weird. He has sting rays but doesn't use them. He broke a leg. He is just a very lazy creature and not doing anything.

Romeo is the monkey. He is one of the romantics.

Juliette Sparkle is a dog. Juliette is a helpful, handy, listening, and nice creature who is in love with Romeo.

Strong Horns is a strong horse. Strong Horns is a bossy mean coach. He is the one who always wakes up the snake in the morning. He is just mean and bossy and shows off, and he doesn't see how good the rest of them are. He thinks balloons are tough, because he is a mean show-off person. But still, he is good.

Myni is a mouse. Myni is a very willing girl. She always likes to be the princess or the nurse. She never complains. Big Oak and Sarah stand up for her. They are her best friends. She doesn't really have any other friends, and she doesn't get in with the crowd. She has a very unique personality, but she doesn't really show it because she does not talk too much.

Blossom, the rabbit, is very playful and jumps a lot. Blossom looks very graceful but she has a wild jumping monkey inside of her, not like Romeo (the Romantic real monkey). Blossom jumps around, hops in the crowd, and always wants to go to town.

Gloss-sha is the goat. She is very wise, but she looks very dumpy. She has big horns which look pretty but also look weird. She is just a mysterious person. Sometimes mystery persons are good. She is like a spirit but a noticed spirit. And she doesn't like ballerinas. To her, everyone else is like a spirit, so she keeps bumping into them. She doesn't even notice they are there.