fake diseases

name: None

incubation period: 0 to 900 days

symptoms: headache, boredom, jumping up and down, hating your teacher

*

name: Realips

incubation period: 0 to 0 days

symptoms: to watch tv, love and hate yourself, to be two years old, to love boring and dull writing

directions misheard from anagrams from joyce:

"go north and um e south and drank e hay hog."

30 things my cat can be used as

a teddy bear, a person playing music on the computer, a person watching tv, a person watching a movie, a villain, a hero, a cuddly thing, a gentle thing, a purring thing, a scratching thing, a friend, a person who is the opposite of a maid, a meanie, a kicking bag that meows, a patting thing that purrs, a sleeper, a dancer, a music listener, a polar bear look alike from the golden compass movie, a lion, a gorgeous kitty, a pretty kitty, a model kitty, a walking kitty, a running thing, a handshaker, a vicious little hunter, a scaredy cat, a person who looks like someone in my class having their head down for recess because the teacher is so mean, something in the sun.

THE GUIDE TO ANSWERS

Things You Can Do to Waste Time

Watch a movie
Watch TV
Play with Barbie Dolls
Play with toy cars
Whine to your babysitter or parents (warning: this will only last 10–15 minutes)
Make the cat upset
Act like a weirdo
Stand on your head
Say “moo”
Try to fly
Torture yourself


Things You Can Do to Torture Yourself

Go to the five-foot mark in the pool when you don’t know how to swim
Pay $500 for a phone, then destroy it
Jump off of a building
Don’t talk for twenty-seven years
Drink shampoo


Things You Can Eat for Supper

Pizza
Pasta, bread, and salad
Tacos
Quesadillas
Enchiladas
Turkey